Lionel: Rick Santorum’s BS Moment

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To show you how completely and absolutely detached we are from reality and how we focus in on irrelevant issues, how we nitpick and home in on the inapposite, the unimportant, the tangential, the collateral.  Case in point Rick Santorum’s B.S. moment.

The story and the context are irrelevant, but Mr. Pious in an absolute moment of clarity and ostensible exasperation and/or pique, stated to a New York Times reporter that something was B.S. bovine egesta, excreta. `twas B.S.! And I applaud him. I laud him, I thank him. Finally, clarity. Finally, limpidity, pellucidity these beautiful words speak to the concept of clear, transparent, translucent.

And a friend of mine will then home in on as he calls it using a five-dollar word and will laugh, mockingly, because I used and know and am conversant with a word he doesn’t know.

If ignorance is bliss, he’s downright giddy. But we run away from beautiful, exquisite words that are not only fun to say but fun to know. New colors for your verbal palette. And throw in B.S. into the mix.

One of the most beautiful, elegant and surgically precise means of conveying a host of thoughts and ideas that are unmistakable. B.S. is breviloquent, precise. It’s part of the barnyard scatology quartet.  Of the S`s there’s bull, horse, bat and ape.  If you wanted to teach new immigrants the fundamentals of our idiomatic and familiar lexicon they must know bull, horse, bat and ape. To wit: bull. When something is blatantly wrong, a deliberate lie, intentionally misquoted, its bull. You made a pass at my wife, that’s bull!

Adamant, no kidding around. Horse is second degree bull. Example: Echinacea prevents hemorrhoids, oh that’s horse. Sitting on a wet towel will give you polio, that’s horse. Dismissive, wives tale stuff, superstition-esque. Bat. Crazy, seriously crazy. Insane. Hospitalizable lunacy. Did you hear about Dave, his wife left him and he went bat.  Joined a circus and changed his name to Toby. Complete bat. Ape is bifurcated. It either connotes off-the-charts anger a la bat or overexcited obsession with a practice, behavior, game, hobby.

I took Dave to his first NASCAR race. He went ape. That’s all the guy talks about now. Bull, horse, bat and ape are four valid terms, precise and specific phrases in our rich lexicon and argot, colloquialisms that should not be disallowed or eliminated from the public because of a scatological appendage and component. And that’s no bull.


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