Lionel: Internet Anonymity

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MARYLAND HEIGHTS, MO. (KPLR11)-The internet and Twitter and Facebook are hideouts for cowards and snarky, miserable sarcastic misanthropes. And add to the list, the psychotic denizens who inhabit comment sections that accompany every article or blog entry.

Miserable people, vapid and soulless trolls who just comment reflexively and spew vile venom just because they can. Because they can hide in the shadows, in the anonymous blanket of darkness.

Exhibit a: 85 year-old North Dakotan, Marilyn Hagerty. She writes a column in her Grand Forks Herald website called Eatbeat, where this sweet lady reviews restaurants. So when the now viral mencken of the peace garden state wrote a glowing paean and tribute to a local olive garden, the comment snark monkeys went to town and absolutely lambasted this sweet old gal for daring, daring to write an encomium about the olive garden.

Why? It’s what the internet and the anonymity of blogging and posting inspire. Snarky, snotty cowards who sit back on their futon in their parent’s basement wearing a wife beater with cheeto dust staining the abdominal apron that barely covers their huge, pendulous, tenterbellied pannus.

These bilious and vile yellow-bellied, pusillanimous, impuissant and feckless trolls.  They make me sick. It takes real guts to unload on some granny.

You see, posting comments is where the internet roach hangs out, the anti-intellectual sexual misfit who retreats to the hidden, dark recesses of an anonymous world of binomials. These rancid hominids are everywhere. And by the way, laugh as you may you selfish vermin, but olive garden is a monster. And people like it. Haven't you seen the commercials? These people go into rhapsodic, sexual, orgasmic exaltation over the unlimited breadsticks. But I know this woman's pain. You should see the absolute monosyllabic drivel, prate and email and twitter prattle that I have to sift through. You can't imagine.

And let me tell you, take it from me, there's no topic that you can ever discuss or comment on that some idiot won't completely misunderstand or as the great Archie Bunker would say, mis-con-screw. I've got two, count 'em, two Facebook pages and a Twitter account and I swear on this man's eyes, that if I wasn't in the biz, not show biz, but small engine repair.  But if I wasn't in the biz, spreading the word, disseminating the brand, I swear.

And if I’m lying, may almighty god stroke this man dead as a hammer, I swear I’d be nowhere near Facebook or Twitter

Marilyn, I know what it's like. Like now, when I say comment!