Lionel – Zimmerman’s Lawyer Circus

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NEW YORK, NY (KPLR) - These might just be the worst lawyers in the world today. Craig Sonner and Hal Uhrig. Two guys who collectively make My Cousin Vinnie look like Irving Younger. Answering the siren call of the lens. Throwing their client under the bus. Going Hollywood. These two fellers never even met with Zimm face to face but by email and phone. They said they texted him! How do you even know this is on the level and not some morning zoo prank. Then they said D.B. Cooper's gone silent, gone rogue waxing Palin-esque and my favorite, he's gone off the reservation, sure to tick someone or some group off because our national pastime is being offended. And to say he's out of the state so don't look for him here. Oh, that's great. Now you've told skip tracers, he's on the loose boys. It's pitchforks and bloodhound times. Cue the Cool Hand Luke video. Next Matt Lauer teams with Dog the Bounty Hunter in where in the world is George Zimmerman?

Look, Capone wasn't even charged then, with anything. Anything. He wasn't ever arrested and since there was no grand jury, he wasn't even a target. But he was in the crosshairs and spotlight and for that any lawyer, even someone who is mildly associated with the case, never ever makes the client look bad or worse. Worse! The way to handle it is easy. First, if you're retained or contracted to represent public enemy number one, you're on the phone or in meetings trying to get the state attorney's office or special prosecutor not to file charges and if they absolutely must, something easy. A misdemeanor. Something probation worthy, no time. Getting your guy to walk on paper, as we trial warriors would call it. The best of the best are folks you may never have heard of and that's the way you want it. Low key and below the radar. If charges are coming down the pike, since you've been straight up with the prosecutor, you can stipulate to a reasonable bond and arrange for him to slip in and out for quick and painless booking because in all felonies you have to be physically taken into custody, booked and then released. You can beat the rap but you can't beat the ride.

But if you want out as a lawyer, you secretly slip away, calling no attention to it. Reducing the target. And since you don't represent your client you can't hold a presser because you don't represent him. And the Gloria Allred patented Friars Club circus at least is about a client she represents. Next, you don't so much as even hint what a defense would be or what his mental state is because why would there be a defense, your client's not guilty. You don't state he has PTSD, you don't intimate he's advancing an insanity defense, because insanity is an affirmative defense that means guilty but for a reason that negates specific intent. These guys made Joe Amendola, Sandusky's lawyer, look like Max Steuer.

You know the expression a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client. Well, here's the new version. The client who has these two clowns for lawyers is a fool. Comment.